For parents, one of the most difficult things about hearing that their son is being bullied at school is the accompanying feeling of helplessness. After all, we can’t go to the school and stop the bullying ourselves. It is also difficult to give practical advice about how to combat bullying. If you tell your son to fight back, he could get in trouble and solving violence with violence is not a recommended course of action. If you tell him to tell a teacher he risks being labeled a snitch or rat. Here are three things you can do as a parent if you find out your child is being bullied:
1) Talk to the teachers and staff and make them aware of what is going on, who is involved, and where and when it is happening. If teachers and staff have these details they can be on the lookout for the bullying behavior and catch the bully in the act, which saves face for your son who did not have to “snitch.”
2) Make sure your school has a comprehensive bully prevention program in place. There is no excuse not to have a structured, whole-school approach to bullying. As a parent you can expect and demand this of the school the same way you would expect special education and physical fitness programs.
3) Become involved in parent groups and community agencies who work to prevent bullying. Be part of the school and community solution to bullying. If your school or town doesn’t have these groups in place, start one. You can be sure that your son is not the only one suffering from bullying and it is a problem that demands a coordinated and comprehensive community approach.
Making friends can be difficult for many boys The ups and downs of friendships in the childhood and teen years are difficult to navigate and one of the challenges of growing up. However, some kids have social problems that go beyond the norm. Unfortunately, many boys feel the need to hide these struggles. I am sure parents have heard terms such as non-verbal learning disability, Asperger’s Syndrome and pervasive developmental delays. These terms can be confusing but in general here are a few warning signs to look out for and may signal that your son needs further evaluation:
- your son doesn’t “get it” when it comes to social cues or social pragmatics
- he has a restricted or very specific range of interests
- he doesn’t have a good sense of his body in space (e.g., standing too close)
- he has trouble initiating and maintaining friendships
- he takes things very literally
- he is a concrete thinker
For more information on these issues I recommend visiting visit www.nldline.com or www.aane.org
Many of the referrals I get form teachers, social workers and PCP’s state that the client needs “anger management.” I am still struggling with finding a way to make this term relevant and useful to many of the boys with whom I work. Many of the boys and teens I see tell me that there is no way they will be disrespected and let anyone, adult or peer, “punk” them. Thus, I can teach them all of the de-escalation strategies I know but they will not be put into action unless the young person is able to release the burden of having to prove himself in light of a perceived slight. The trick becomes helping the client understand that true power means knowing how to pick your battles and not allowing anyone and everyone to have the power to make you angry. Of course, sometimes this message is not well received and therein lies the real challenge of making anger management relevant instead of cliche.
I have had a bevy of grumpy teen boys in my office this week trying to get adjusted to the early waking times that come with back-to-school time. Many teens get accustomed to staying up late and sleeping in over the summer and then have to shift their sleep pattern radically to make it in by homeroom. Tardiness early in the school year can set students back early, so here are 3 quick tips for getting a teen’s sleep back on track:
1) Make sure all electronics are shut off at a set time. Late night texting and messaging can lead to red eyes in the morning.
2) Make sure homework is complete at least an hour before bedtime and books and study materials ideally should not be kept in the bedroom. The bedroom should be a peaceful place and somewhere where teens can “ramp down” after homework time.
3) Make sure teens don’t deviate from their sleep pattern too drastically on weekends. If the body is used to an 11-6:30 schedule during the week and then jumps to 3AM-noon on the weekends it makes it awfully hard to switch back to normal on Sunday night
I talk about the dangers of teens abusing prescription drugs, especially Oxycontin.
One of the disturbing trends among youth today is “pill parties.” These are gatherings where teens bring prescription pills or over-the-counter cold medicines to a party and mix the medications with alcohol. It goes without saying that mixing medications can be deadly. Thankfully, drug stores and supermarkets are recognizing this trend and putting cold medicine behind the counter and asking for ID before purchase. However, many parents are not as diligent when it comes to accounting for the old medications in the home. It is so important for parents to take the initiative and keep prescription pills and medications in a safe place. If you have old meds left over in the medicine cabinet, flush them. Finally, while you may be sure that your kids would never take medications from the home but you cannot be sure that friends or acquaintances that come to the home won’t take medications if they are accessible. It sounds cliche, but a little prevention goes a long way.
