Often, I get referrals where the parent or teacher says that the boy “needs to learn how to express his feelings.” Hmmm. Maybe. But I think it is important to recognize that for many boys it is very difficult for them to access and verbalize difficult emotions such as fear, embarrassment or shame. When boys experience these emotions they often resort to shutting down or getting angry. However, the first step to helping them is not to push them to “express their feelings,” this is likely to make them run for the hills. After all, the other boys that they are hanging out with are unlikely to be sitting around sharing their emotions. We guys might be better off if we did, it just doesn’t happen all that often. Instead, we should first work to help boys feel safe and empowered. Once we establish those basics, the boys is much less likely to have to rely on shutting down or lashing out and may even be in a place where he can start to talk about those dreaded “feelings.”
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Lost in a male stereotype
I just started watching “Lost” (I know, I know, I am late to the party). I was pleased at first with the character of Jack, the physician. He was a leader, but he was caring, empathic, a healer, someone with a level head who helped to diffuse conflict. Then in the middle of Season 1 he has to confront one of the bad guys in the jungle and suddenly turns into a mix of He-Man and Dirty Harry. He trades blows with the baddie and eventually pummels him to the ground. Once again, the male hero has to be a warrior instead of just a healer. Not many of the physicians I know perform surgery and kick butt on the side. I guess that is just what we get on TV, but c’mon “Lost” I thought you could do better than that.