In what could be considered a step forward in terms of “guys guys” overcoming the stigma of utilizing mental health services, LA Laker Ron Artest thanked his psychiatrist for helping his performance in Game 7.
Ron Artest thanks psychiatrist
In following Massachusetts’ anti-bullying legislation in the media and in my own conversations with parents I often hear three major concerns to legislating school’s responses to bullying that I address below:
1) Now every little thing is going to be called “bullying.” I have heard parents say things like, “If my kids makes fun of another kids glasses is he now going to be breaking the law?” No, it will not be. Olweus, a national expert in bullying defines it as when someone is,”exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself.” Thus, bullying is ongoing and targeted harassment and not a behavior that occurs once or twice and it can have very serious consequences for the victim and for the perpetrator.
2) Isn’t bullying a normal part of growing up? No. While bullying occurs across cultures and is most prevalent when children are in middle school, it is should not be considered “just part of growing up.” After all, it is normal for kids to try out all kinds of risky behaviors but that does not mean as adults we turn a blind eye to them. Would you let a 12 year old manage your finances, decide what you will eat for dinner each night, or drive a car? Of course not, because they are not developmentally ready for these responsibilities. Similarly, children in middle school do not have the capacity to understand the long-term pain and suffering that bullying can cause, that is why it is up for adults to intervene.
3) Kids need to learn how to defend themselves on their own. Children will have plenty of opportunities to learn how to advocate for themselves, defend themselves and be assertive when necessary. They do not need to endure bullying to learn these skills. Often, parents who have been bullied themselves are understandably concerned about their children and push them to fight whenever they feel disrespected. There are two problems with this approach: a) fighting can get the victim in more trouble and b) bully victims are often physically smaller and less assertive than their peers and thus ill-equipped to fight bullies, who are often physically strong and aggressive. Therefore, adults have to be ready to intervene to stop bullying and address it as a serious problem in schools and one that will not be tolerated.
Once we have helped boys to better understand how their emotions work, the impact of self-soothing and the feeling of empowerment that can come with self-control, the final thing we need is to encourage outlets for competitive activity. Bill Pollack talked about the importance of boys having an outlet and without question boys often relate and communicate through competition. The specific outlet doesn’t matter, sports, video games, rapping, battle of the bands, etc, the important thing is that a boy has a chance to feel that he “kicked ass” every once in awhile. There is nothing wrong with feeling cool and empowered and the more a boy feels that way the less he feels he has to take on all comers or “step up” to anyone who slights him. Remember, a little friendly competition can go a long way.
