James Barrett, PhD

I’ve grown tired of the term “coping skills” and have decided to ban it from my own practice and writing.  If I had a dollar for every time I hear or read “he needs to develop coping skills,” I could close up shop.  The reason I am fed up with the term is because it doesn’t tell us anything meaningful.  What exactly is a coping skill?  Imagine if you went to a physician and he or she said “you need to get healthier” or your financial advisor told you “you need to be better with money.” How useful would that be?  Now, I am all for  using specific techniques or strategies like relaxation breathing or self-talk to address specific problems.  My concern is that I see many boys referred for therapy due to acting out and the recommendation uses “coping skills” as a blanket term.  My issue with this, besides it being lazy, is that there is no thought put into what specifically is causing the distress and what will help the boy or teen.   For example, lets take a boy who has been getting into fights after school.  If the boy struggles with a reactive temperament or impulsivity, we would look to teach him how to self-regulate and self-soothe.  However, if the boy is able to remain calm but fights out of a sense of saving face and wanting to avoid being labeled a “punk,” our intervention may focus on teaching conflict resolution through assertive communication.  Same problem at first glance, but the “coping skills” we would teach are very different.  It is worthwhile for us to take the time to examine what lies underneath the problematic behavior and think critically about what we hope therapy or intervention will accomplish.  I hope to see the day when I never have to read “needs to develop coping skills” on a referral form or assessment again!