Many of the referrals I get ask for “anger management” for boys or young men. The term “anger management” is so loaded that I am going to take some time on this blog to unpack it and look at what it is, whom it helps, and how it is done best. Research shows that boys will benefit most from anger management if they have a reactive temperament and show remorse for their outbursts. This would include young men with a low frustration tolerance, impulsivity and executive functioning problems as well as some forms of Mood Disorders. Typically, the young person encounters a frustrating situation or perceived threat, struggles to inhibit an angry or explosive response and then feels regret or remorse for his actions afterwards. Conversely, boys or teens who take pleasure in lashing out at others, chronically externalize the blame for their actions on others, or who target others for violent attacks (e.g., waiting afterschool to jump someone to steal his iPod) benefit less from anger management. These boys are better served by a behavioral intervention that links consistent consequences to their actions. Thus, the first step in deciding whether a referral for anger management is appropriate is doing a careful assessment of the young man and his profile of concerning behavior. If he tends to be reactive and shows some remorse for his actions then he is a good candidate, if he tends to display targeted or proactive aggression and externalizes blame for his behavior, he is not an ideal candidate. Next up in this blog series: how do we couch anger management so that it is relevant to young men?
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Teen Boys and Pot
Marijuana is popular with many of the teenage boys whom I work with in my practice. For parents, it is difficult to know how much they should be worrying about their son’s marijuana use. After all, you cannot become physically addicted to pot, you can’t overdose from it, and it doesn’t usually lead to violent behavior. However, inhaling the smoke is as or more dangerous than cigarette smoke, you can become psychologically dependent on it, it also can interfere with learning and decision making. What is a parent to do? I always advise parents to pick their battles and prioritize safety by making clear to their kids the following rules:
- We do not condone smoking marijuana due to the health risks (both physical and mental)
- Pot or paraphernalia is not allowed in the house (after all it is illegal)
- Under no circumstances can you drive while high
- You are not to go to school high
- You are not to come home high
Outside of these rules I advise parents not to spend all their time trying to catch them in the act. If your son is has a problem with pot you will know, he will get caught in school, come home frequently smelling like weed, etc. If he persists in use in the face of consequences (e.g., grounded, suspended from school, etc.) that is a sign he needs further intervention. There are no real “detox” programs for marijuana, the best choice is an outpatient group program such as the ASAP Program at Children’s Hospital in Boston (which does a great job). The good news is that many teen boys grow out of their “pot smoking stage.” For those that don’t there are treatment options available. Understandably, with references to weed in movies, TV shows and music parents often feel they are facing an uphill battle–but again, pick your battles, prioritize safety and you and your son will get through it.